Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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