Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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