...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
