Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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