That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
