i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
