Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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