yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
