The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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