and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
