As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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