yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
