How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
