The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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