I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
