please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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