god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
