R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
