all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
