So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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