We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
