They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
