What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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