so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
