just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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