R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
