The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
