He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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