who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
