I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
