Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
