I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
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