I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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