all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
