for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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