The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
