I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
operation have a gay friend backfired
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
