i need an iv and a liver transplant
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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