Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
