FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Terrible idea I love it
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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