i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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