oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
