I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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