why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Blood and glitter go together right?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
