I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
