my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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