my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
