Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
