The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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