im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
